Smile when your heart is breaking (2013)

A little late with this year's comedy DVD round up, I know, but I've been feeling so un-funny that the very thought of trying to complete my by-now-annual analysis of the iconography of seasonal 'comedy' dvd releases has depressed me no end.

If 2013, with its background ambience of economic ruin and alienation via digital media, has taught us anything, it's that we don't really want to even be cheered up any more. The very fact that inspired my first post in this series - the huge amount of posters advertising these DVDs on London's transport system - has been noticeably absent this year. Of the 18 (fucking hell, 18!) DVDs featured here, only the Jimmy Carr, Seann Walsh and Sean Lock ones have had much in the way of a big push in underground stations or on the sides of buses. Londoners, it seems, are in need of something more concrete than the mere gurning of our favourite jesters. Maybe crack is more up our collective streets this yuletide. What's more, the usual dross that makes up a large amount of the potentially chucklesome fare that features here is noticeably absent this year; i.e:  not only do we not want to laugh, we want only the finest comedy available if we're going to be made to snigger at all. So no John Bishop, Jethro, Jason Manford, Peter Kay or Roy 'Chubby' Brown. Be thankful for small mercies...

Anyhoo - I've done my best to collect the awful things into some sub-categories in a vague attempt to give them more meaning than just bits of plastic which will rapidly find their way onto online re-selling forums by the middle of January (more on this later, as well).

And off we go!

I'm a comic, so let's make me look like a COMIC (see what I did there? etc.)

Both Ross Noble and Reginald D. Hunter have decided to put their careers (and DVD sales) in the not-so capable hands of some illustrators by depicting themselves in erm... graphic form. Both of these chaps tickle my funny bone (oh god, did I just type that?) but this strikes me as the modern day equivalent of those awful 60s/70s film posters where amusing stars of the day are depicted having tiny little bodies and massive heads. Usually it was Reg Varney. 

Noble wins if only by dint of the fact that Hunter's cover is just plain ugly and looks nothing like him, and because his slightly geeky humour suits the comic book approach used. Too much purple, though. And I dislike the feeble attempt to place him in the 'steampunk' genre by use of brass accoutrements. It says: 'for people with long hair and full-length leather coats.'

It's also worth noting that Noble's title: 'Mindblender' has the space cadet subtext previously used by Bill Bailey (see below) denoting humour that will gain weight after several jazz ciggies. How subversive...

Why the fuck did we bother to even hire a design team?

Jimmy Carr's DVD must have the least adventurous cover AND title of the year. This has possibly more to do with his resurgence after a little bit of tax-avoidance shaming. It looks as if he's trying to be as non-confrontational as possible which is odd, considering the fact that his humour is all about coming very close to the knuckle. But 'Laughing and Joking'?!? What the fuck did he think we expected him to do? Show us how to cook Xmas dinner for 12 while bombed on gak? Give us a history of Britain's waterways?? Poor.

Micky Flanagan (not a favourite of mine) gives us the sideways glance, which I guess implies a 'sideways glance' at life, eh? It also uses the sub-genre of looking UP. I think the oft repeated motif (along with its cousin, glancing up mischieviously under eyebrows) denotes a cheeky 'we're all in this together at the bottom of the shitheap and yet I can still crack wise and find life amusing.' Of course it has the reverse effect on a curmudgeon such as myself. I want to slap him. The cover may have taken about half an hour to design.

Adam Hills wore a suit and then someone in the art department photoshopped the 'shadow ears' joke in behind him. How non-threatening can you get? The cover claims him to be awe-inspiring and effortless. These are not qualities you require from comedy. You want preconception-busting and edgy.

In this batch we can also view the other much-used trope of delivering the title of the DVD in 'jokey' hand-written script, denoting a laissez-faire approach to life. One day I'd like to see a comedy DVD with the title and name in Baskerville, which is the world's most serious font (I googled it just now).

Who? Naughty little me?

This  particular sub-set of the comedy DVD was referred to last year as 'I've done something a bit naughty', and it looks set to run and run. Alan Davies (a man who is surely old enough to know better by now) and Josh Widdicombe (you KNOW he's younger because nobody over the age of 35 is called Josh these days) have both been a bit, you know, irreverent or something. Damn their eyes.

Davies' use of a zipped-up cardigan almost pushes him into the next category, but that eternally puppy dog expression of his (albeit with a slightly ageing cynicism) means that even as a pensioner he'll be playing the eternal teenager who pissed in your metaphorical pool. Widdicome sits cross-legged, denoting an equally cosy approach. There's the handwritten title as well! His talent is allegedly 'priceless.' which should make it easy to get hold of this post-Xmas, eh? 

 

Bemused of Tunbridge Wells

Both Jack Dee and Greg Davies are very funny men. Their schtick often requires the bemused demeanour of the middle-aged man, tired of life and all the bullshit that goes with it. Davies combines (again) the handwritten approach with the frankly surreal, and doesn't even bother to LOOK at the buyer. Top marks for this, no matter what the contents are.

Jack Dee looks idiotic, but the design department's use of a Victorian handbill font and reasonably tasteful colours make it one of this year's other more acceptable purchases.

                                         

Mr Malapropism

Props: more and more these become required by the modern stand-up to really ram home his or her craziness/lack of respect for convention/breaking away from the standard mores of modern gag-telling. Often they convey the extra de rigeur touch of acid-tinged weirdness needed for today's skunk-befuddled masses. Whatevs. The use of objects, gizmos and the like to brighten up your last-minute present ideas (let's face it, no one actually ASKED for that, you just saw it on your way out of HMV and thought 'that would be good for X, he/she has a sense of humour...') is well to the fore in this year's crop. To demonstrate...

I like Milton Jones, always have. I fear that his pun-heavy routines may have jumped the shark (or have just reached their natural saturation point), but to a man with a childish sense of humour such as myself, his work is amusing. What is not amusing is the way in which the phrase 'On the Road has been literalised to the point of stupidity. Milton is funnier than this, but you'd hardly know from the picture of him with some toy cars.

Andy Parsons specialises in politico-social observation, albeit the kind that's more palatable than the ranting of Mark Thomas. Here he is, leaving Cameron's 'big society in tatters' by sitting in a deckchair in order to depict his more relaxed attitude to subversion. A 'slacktivist', indeed. Again the handwritten title. The design team must have dragged him down to Homebase for this one.

Seann Walsh (note the crazy double 'n') has employed a trick from last year's batch - the overhead wide-ange lens approach to give the picture a more 'in yer face' feel. Oh, and a tail, because, well... he's wild. Can't you bloody read?

Eddie Izzard harks back to the '60s with an umbrella (gasp!) and some swirly Maurice Binder-style graphics. Unfortunately it reminds us all that he was in 1998's disastrous Avengers movie (you remember: with Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes). It's probably just as brilliant as every other piece of stand-up he does, and the title hints at his legendary multi-lingual approach. But it'll still be on eBay by February.

Finally, Bill Bailey's actual use of props on stage (well, musical instruments could possibly be counted as props, couldn't they?) make his heavily photoshopped piece of absurdity more acceptable. Like Ross Noble before him, the title appeals to the quirky and herbally refreshed among us. God bless him, say I.

                                     

The 'damned if I know' category

Told you I was feeling unfunny. Basically, these two DVDs fail to do any kind of conforming and to denote anything other than a vague indifference for the buyer hungry for LAFFS.

Mr Lock is, again, a favourite of this parish, yet his use of Austin Powers-style faux psychedelic lettering to reinforce the title goes against the other signifier, which is that of Sean giving his best indignant 'WTF?' pose. He's good at this style of stand-up. His design department have obviously never been to one of his gigs.

Tom Stade is Canadian and pretty good. He's gone for a combination of the wide angle approach with a vague hint of fake neon (AND a real microphone) to show you that he is, indeed, a stand-up comedian. One can only applaud such lack of pretension, if not his hair, which manages a stand-up act all of its own.

B'boom tish...

And finally...

You peaked a little early

You may not believe this, but I do at least five or ten minutes of research when writing this drivel. And in my attempts to capture most of this year's comedic moments on small silver and plastic objects I discovered a woeful fact. 

Most of the above were released on ONE day this year - November 18th to be precise. This coordinated release date has obviously been calculated to give enough return on something that, frankly, has a shelf life slightly longer than those strawberries from outer Mongolia you bought by mistake in Waitrose last week. And proof of this limited shelf life comes in the form of our last two entries below.

Both Henning Wehn and Nina Conti's marketing teams thought that maybe, just maybe, an OCTOBER release date could net them slightly more for their (admittedly) more marginal fare. Don't get me wrong, I'm very fond of both of them. Wehn's usually turning up on Radio 4 quiz shows hosted by David Mitchell, being all German (although I'm confused by the description of him on his cover as 'a vulnerable man'), while Conti's post-modern (read: foul-mouthed) ventriloquism is great and was brilliantly highlighted in the underrated Christopher Guest sitcom, Family Tree.

But that early release did them NO favours at all. I found that both had already made their way onto eBay. What a shame.

Or maybe it was, as usual the lame covers which did them no favours. Anyway, if any of you actually GET any of these for Xmas, my condolences. See you next year, by which time the crop will have been reduced to a single two-hour film of Freddie Starr on stage screaming at himself in a mirror.

Keep smiling!

Smile when your heart is breaking (2012 edition)

It's that time again. No, not for a tedious 'my favourite X of 2012' list/post (although if just one person asks, I will give you a list of my films of the year) but to look at the hilarious stand up DVDs available for your consumption this Xmas.

As noted in last year's inaugural post - November brings us not only a gruesome bunch of Movember tosh, but also a plethora of sidesplitting comedy DVDs offering you a lazy present choice for the person you know who 'likes a laugh'. God help them...

All 16 (16!) of the DVDs scrutinised here come out in a single fortnight, earmarking the tiny window of sales opportunity before they're all reduced in the sales/shown on Dave. Here we find all the regulars on our favourite panel 'quizzes' in a live context. ie: They probably say 'fuck' a lot more than they do on QI or 8 Out of 10 Cats. But what do the covers of these chucklefests signify?

Let's have a look, shall we?

I can walk AND crack wise:

                                                

Our first selection highlights the superior walking-and-talking-at-the-same-time skills of the comedian. Michael McIntyre is only here by default. Not really walking but instaead doing a kind of strange one-legged dur-daaaah! thing that, let's face it, merely serves to say: 'LOOK, I've lost LOADS of weight, and I'm still richer than Croesus'. Apparently he writes his own material, which, while only observational schtick, still lends itself to his cheery delivery style. I don't hate him as much as other comedians seem to. 

We KNOW Dara O Briain is clever. He presents that new Science Club thing and seems good at sums on QI. His distracted, over the shoulder look as he strides denotes wry observational humour, a notch above McIntyre. However, being described as 'dependably entertaining' on your DVD must rankle, surely?

Kevin Bridges apparently has an 'eye for detail'. Oh, so he must be observational as well. And the lack of a smile signifies that not only is his 'story' continuing (right AT you) but that he now means business.  Eek!

Finally, and almost beneath contempt comes the truly awful Lee Nelson, who London readers will know got himself arrested on Oxford Street while pretending to steal his own DVD in a publicity stunt. What a c*ck. he's not really walking but he sure is moving fast. Straight to the remainder bins.

'First Ever Live Stand-Up DVD' screams the packaging. Let's hope it's the last...

I've got a wide angle lens and I'm gonna use it:

Let's cover Jon Richardson first shall we? Apparently he's 'destined for showbiz big-time'. Not 'for THE big time', or to make it 'big in showbiz', but 'destined for showbiz big-time', which seems to imply that he's about to seriously consider a career in show business.

Confusing. Especially when you consider that this is a man who's never off the panel shows (as most of our entrants here are). He must be as surprised by this news as us. The skewed perspective, oft-favoured by comedy DVDs gives us a kind of 'I'm comin' atcha with my funny!' feeling. He's a wry northerner and this is probably not that bad.

Regulars will know that I cannot greet anything by John Bishop with the same good will or Xmas compassion. His lazy updating of Scouse working man's club schtick delivered in a drawl that may come from some kind of industrial pollution-related brain damage is never welcome. Is that a cheeky wave 'hello', or is he reenacting Warhol's famous screen print of Mick Jagger's 1967 drugs bust? Or does he just want us to know that he's married, despite his often sexist drivel? And what is implied by the 'bigger than ever' blurb? Is he now 30 feet tall? Who cares? Enough...

(addendum: both Kevin Bridges and Micky Flanagan used this device last year)

I've done something a bit naughty:

Jack Whitehall's the posh youngster who's been cluttering up most terrestrial channels this year. His poshness is his THING (it's not like Simon Evans beat him to that one, is it?). He's that perennial type first epitomised centuries ago by Rob Newman: kinda cute and fanciable, clever, educated and actually quite funny (in smallish doses). But look, he's got that almost tongue in cheek and wild-eyed look that says: 'I'm going to say some naughty words, possibly about genitalia, while I'm hilariously self-deprecating'. 

Oh, he's harmless, as is Sara Millican. I actually like Millican a lot, although I was quite shocked to find out HOW much she swears on stage. Her entire act depends on her looking like butter wouldn't melt... while delivering great down-to-earth Geordie comedy, so it's no surprise to find her in this category. However, nil points for originality. Her cover is a virtual carbon copy of last year's. Except this year she's in green instead of red...

Adam Hills is also mostly harmless, in fact so much so that I only remember him because of the leg thing. Australian and always seemingly in a good mood, he's resorted to balloons and a 'who me?' look to make us buy his DVD.

Peter Kay, on the other hand looks like he's just done something horrid in your hat. I suspect the 'over 55 minutes of NEW live stand-up' is worse than that. The very appearance of this DVD a year after his 'big' return to stand-up implies that he's jumped the comedy shark in a big way. This is just sad. he's a gnat's whisker away from joining the yearly crapathons visited upon us by Roy 'Chubby' Brown, Jethro and all those other cruddy types.

Look at me I'm mad:

Stewart Francis is, like Milton Jones and Time Vine a primarily pun-based joker, which means he's contractually obliged to either act out a pun or be a bit mad on his cover. He's opted for... well, you can see what he's opted for. Well done Stewart. He's Canadian and actually very funny. But I'm a boy, and boys like puns.

Ross Noble, a bit like Bill Bailey, Eddie Izzard and even Paul Merton before him, is a 'surrealist' comic, which means he's prone to flights of fancy and rambling tangential routines. Again, he's always pretty good, so we can forgive the rather sub-standard steampunk, comix and psychedelics that grace his cover. It's pretty WYSIWYG really (ooh, get me).

Rhod Gilbert, as anyone who's seen recent appearances on chat shows knows, has based his routine partly on the acquisition of a new 'pointless' tattoo of a flaming piece of battenberg cake. Thus his crazy cover is actually quite literal. You know Gilbert. He's Welsh, he rants and shouts. A lot. His anger at the stupidity of the quotidian is nicely done, if exhausting. Possibly not one for post-Queen's speech relaxation.

Unclassified: 

Our final three entries seem to plough their own respective furrows, for whatever reason. Firstly, Al Murray in his 'Pub Landlord' guise. Murray's actually quite posh, worked with Harry Hill (as big brother Alan) and his updating of Alf Garnett is wonderfully over the top (if, perhaps, beginning to lose a bit of steam). Like Garnett he, unfortunately, does seem to attract the kind of taxi-driving right-wingers that he lampoons. Here he stares off into mid-distance, the noble reactionary protecting an England that never existed. This is called pathos. I think.

Omid Djalili's new live DVD fails for a couple of glaring reasons. Firstly, I'm guessing that they've made the 'Omid' far bigger than the 'Djalili' because they fear our inability to accept erm... middle eastern comedy. Sheesh... Secondly this looks like it was put together by a three-year old with access to an iPad. Garish and cheap-looking, this fine comedian deserves BETTER, people.

Lastly, here's sweary, offensive old Frankie Boyle. Frankie's had a rough old time of it recently. maybe that beard signifies weary contrition. Or maybe his inability to look us in the eye does the same thing. The 'comic laureate of broken Britain'? Really? Actually I do miss his envelope-pushing on Mock The Week (although luckily they seem to have removed the awful student's favourite, Russell Howard, from the show, for which we should be grateful) but ultimately I think his days are numbered. people like edginess, but Jimmy carr does it with less bile, and in the end people go to a stand-up gig to be cheered up, not reminded of how awful EVERYTHING is. 

So, there you go - and if I've missed any please let me know. Have an hilarious Xmas, one and all!

Smile, when your heart is breaking...

Inspired by a late night conversation with the EBP, I decided to do a one day census of what’s now gone beyond ‘ubiquitous’ into ‘insanely overproduced’ territory – the Xmas comedy DVD. Over the last month your eyeballs couldn’t swivel, whilst pacing the corridors of the London Underground, without being assailed by gurning stand-ups hawking their wares in time for that most special of days: a grim evening in mid-January when you finally get round to taking off the shrink-wrap and hearing those same jokes that you’ve mildly chuckled to over the course of the last year; all delivered in a live context, to howls of approval.

And what quantities of mirth-juice have been digitised this year! In a single afternoon of snapping and googling I found no less than 23 ‘major’ names in stand-up had produced DVDS; and all of them released in a single fortnight at the beginning of November. Undoubtedly someone more learned than I will point out that in times of recession we NEED to laugh more. As a fan of the BBC’s digital radio channel 4Extra, I’m well-versed in the type of radio fare that kept our post-war lives slightly less tainted by food shortages and Luftwaffe-sponsored bombsites. The British are masters at the self-deprecating, ‘you’ve gotta laugh unless you cry’-type of humour in times of stress. But at least in those far-off days we didn’t have to LOOK at these faces urging us to cheer the fuck up.

OK, I’m being a tad cynical here, and as an avowed fan of some of these names I have to admit to enjoying their regular appearances on, well, just about any quiz show or stand-up variety package broadcast after 9pm on terrestrial TV. I’m just shocked by the overwhelming quantity as well as the notion that anyone would really want to watch such a thing more than once… or twice if you really are a student of the art of timing/delivery/being hilariously offensive. EBP mentioned that he was more fascinated to uncover the hidden meanings in the various stances/expressions/states of rictus displayed on these throwaway artefacts. So… let’s look at the categories, shall we?

I’m mad, me!

Zany, wacky, bonkers, madcap… how many irritating ways can you choose to take up oxygen? Like Dave Lee Travis writ large, these loonies want you to know that when you push the disc into the maw of your player you’ll be transported into a magical world of ‘surreal’ comedy. This mis-use of the word has always stymied me. Let’s go back to Andre Breton’s peerless definition: ‘n. Pure psychic automatism, by which one proposes to express, either verbally, in writing, or by any other manner, the real functioning of thought. Dictation of thought in the absence of all control exercised by reason, outside of all aesthetic and moral preoccupation.’ In this context, a description of Milton Jones as ‘King of The Surreal one-liners’ seems a little wayward doesn’t it?


Both Jones and Tim Vine operate in the same area of wordplay that I find amusing. But backing it up with a silly shirt/hairstyle/costume seems over the top. This is probably why I prefer Milton on the radio (The Very World Of Milton Jones). Also, to be fair, neither of these have appeared on a tube wall, to my knowledge.

Lee Evans’ stance is actually a fair representation of his physical schtick. He does come at you like Norman Wisdom on speed, and becomes just as irritating as well. At the heart of Evans is a very serious man who works ridiculously hard to make himself seem ridiculous. No work for a grown man.

Alan Carr at least drips with irony. The fake twinkle, the nod to glasses NOT being sexy, the camp lustre of lurex and leather: very knowing, and probably not as bad as it seems. His Radio 2 show is often most diverting and I get the impression he’s pretty intelligent. It’s just a shame he had to soil his CV so heinously, and so early on by working with that prize c*** Justin Lee Collins.

Finally we have Greg Davis, who seems to have achieved something actually surreal with his semi-naked avec topper stance. Not even looking at the viewer, Davies is a stalwart whose appearances in Who’s Line Is It Anyway? onwards always seemed too non-threatening to allow him to be that mainstream.


Raised Eyebrows = lowered expectations

It pains me to include Sarah Millican in any of this. Her faux chat show on Radio 4 with Simon Day this year was priceless; her stand-up is simultaneously mumsy and outrageous, and she constantly reminds me how North Easterners (as opposed to Liverpudlians, but we’ll get round to THEM in a moment) are possibly the naturally funniest people on the planet. But here she is, a minxy sideways glance and those eyebrows which denote: ‘I’m a bit cheeky and am liable to make observational quips.’ Likewise the Patrick Monahan effort, where he looks like he just soiled himself and despite his years, still finds this funny. Jimmy Carr, as far as I can work out, only has two expressions: eyebrows up, or in a frown. Obviously he’s used up his other on previous tapes, so it’s the surprised mode we get this year. The pink background merely denotes ‘bored marketing designer trying desprately to catch your eye’. Actually I quite admire the meta-obvious title. Straight to the point, and no mistake.



Micky Flanagan’s eyebrows are basically his USP, so if he didn’t lift the buggers he’d end up looking like a cross between Ron Jeremy and a hedge. Note also his provocative finger pointing. We better listen to his routine because it’ll make us think. Other cheeky pointers include Kevin Bridges and, likewise, Stephen Merchant (whose stand-up is actually pretty good, despite his work with you-know-who) – although Merchant breaks the mould by having a REPRESENTATION of himself in vaguely geeky hyperreal fashion. It’s undeniably intriguing, although the title detracts. Russell Kane also seems to have done something vaguely ‘naughty’, possibly in a childish attempt to gain attention. Let’s ignore him…




John Cleese’s painfully venal release tries, vainly, to straddle the eyebrow-lifting and madcap expression divide. Strengthened by what looks like the bastard offspring of Mr Bean’s ‘teddy’ on his shoulder, the result is demeaning in the extreme. This man once starred in the Life Of Brian. Oh dear.

Cleese’s DVD also straddles a sub-genre which is made up of one other release: Peter Kay’s: appearing from behind a curtain. ‘His first new DVD in 8 years!’ proclaims the poster. Well, he could have waited a little longer, surely? His boyish (by now photoshopped, I’d imagine) grin makes me want to maim. Enough of him and his frankly pants observational style.

Comedy is a SERIOUS BUSINESS

The ‘wry’ smile’ or the lack of any smile at all either denotes a new-found wish to be regarded seriously, or that the comedy may be slightly political or awkwardly personal/self-confessional. First up is Russell Howard. His appearances always mar Mock The Week. His BBC Three series seemed aimed at students with the IQ of ten-year olds. No, I’m, not a bloody fan. And I’m not going to be won over by his grungy shirt and product-drenched hair. Fuck him. Mark Watson won't look at you. he's SENSITIVE. Next we come to Jason Manford, the first of my least favourite scousers. Following a woeful attempt to woo prime time pensioners on BBC’s One Show (and blowing it spectacularly by some indiscrete texting) he now reappears looking world weary and… like he’s stolen the shirt of Syd Barrett. Good grief.



Dylan Moran is just funny, so shut up, we won’t dissect him too much. And Reginald D Hunter seems to have gone SO far into the desecration of his own visage (with SERIOUS words) that you are in no doubt that his rather good comedy will be laced with HOME TRUTHS. Andy Parsons is, by nature political and relies on his cynicism to pack the punch needed in his stand up. He deserves extra kudos for lying down. Which brings me to John Bishop. God, I hate John Bishop. His slurred delivery, hopeless timing and down-to-earth Liverpool take on life all make me feel like I’ve taken some kind of tranquiliser that slows the world down to a crawl. Will he ever get to the punch line? And when he does, was that really IT? He’s wearing a suit: that suit denotes ‘I’ve arrived and I’ve sold out a kerzillion seater stadiums’. If one of these DVDs denotes the parlous state of our nation it’s this. Dreary, anti-intellectual and barely articulate. And he’s here all week…




(Note: NOT included here were Billy Connolly's 'Greatest Hits' package which furthered his desire to be thought of as some safe old rocker by having him leaning on a JUKEBOX (see what he did there?), and the latest one from Angelos Epithemiou & Friends - which features a character actor and a cast larger than one. And it's probably quite funny, too).