Oasis - The Truth

While the world and his/her respective partner have all chipped in with their take on the freres Gallagher finally relieving us of the duty of listening to any more dullard, reactionary, three chord effluent, the real reasons behind the split are obvious.
In my final months as arbiter of taste at a certain corporation I penned what must be the ultimate in fence-sitting journalism: replacing an all-out attack on their last album, Dig Out Your Soul, with a poncy piece of what was described in the Guardian this Saturday as 'snark'.
Look, there it is, at the top of the review it says 'return to form'. And of course I didn't mean it. What I cleverly did was delay the irate gruntings of their zillion fans by burying the true critique in the body of the review. Go on read it; you'll see that I really, really hated that record.
So... months later the band are on tour. Their immediate joy at being told that the album sees them back at the 'top of their game' (which, let's face it, was never that high a benchmark) has been slowly whittled away as the Mancunian sluggards - never fast readers one imagines - finally let the full weight of my time bomb prose take full effect. Well, Noel probably has. Liam's still working out how to turn on the laptop.
But yes, readers, that's why after years of taunting us with faux splits, tiffs and girly taunts, the monobrowed marvels have called it a day.
You may now shower me with praise, for indeed, my pen is mightier than a uselessly handled Epiphone and a sweaty parka. Now begone Oasis, and never darken my doorstep again.